The Dating Game, Part One

Boy, everything seems to be a game of some sort these days at the 4ECon, doesn't it? This one really is a game, though... of some kind... I'm not lying this time...
...For the most part...

Let's pretend you're single. I think this applies to a little more than half of my known readers, so this should be easy. If you're not single, pretend that your current partner suddenly became your ex-girlfriend or ex-boyfriend.

First, think of the last (or current) girl/guy you dated and score him or her on a scale of 0 to 10, with 10 being the best of whatever it is you think you're looking for in a partner. You should put some thought into all the dimensions that define best or worst, of course. For example, If the last person you dated was the most amazing person you could imagine in terms of intellectuality or emotional stability (10 out of 10 on this scale), or something along those lines, but was also completely disgustingly physically repulsive (0 out of 10 on this scale), you could rate him or her a 5 out of 10, or weight one proportionally more than another, etc. Make sense? Average some numbers, think of all the important dimensions, make some crap up - you'll figure it out. We're basically looking to translate your opinion of your ex's overall attractiveness into a number. Remember this number.

Next, try to figure out the third-person perspective of that person. How do you think your former girl/boyfriend does on the dating market? Are other people clamoring to date this person, or are they desperately and permanently single? More importantly, how would other people rate him or her on our scale of 0 to 10? Put some thought into this. If it helps, try to think of your "average person," (of your gender) and imagine how he or she would rate your ex.

Before we continue, I should point out that it will help if you're honest. If the last girl or guy you dated was below average looking or intelligence, you should probably end up with numbers below 5. I know there's a propensity to use numbers greater than 5 on 0-to-10 scales, so just try to be honest. If your ex was an ugly moron, don't take it personally and give 'em a 2.

So, are the two numbers the same? Did you score your ex a '7' on your personal scale, but a '5' on the public perception scale, or is it reversed? Whatever your answers were, take the first number and subtract the second. (In my example, that would be 7 - 5 = 2). I'm going to call this new number your "Ex Perception Differential."


Now the hard part:

First, try to rate yourself on your personal scale. Whatever you think your obvious good parts are, or whatever the benefits of your ability to hide your flaws, rate your personality, your looks, your intelligence, your temperament, all of it on a scale of 0 to 10. Get a 7 on looks, did ya? Get a 8 on intelligence, did ya? Give yourself a 6 on honesty, did ya? It sounds like you'll end up averaging to a 7, then. Get the picture? Try to think of all the important spectra of your personal dateability, weight the ones you believe are more important higher, and figure out a number.

Second, you need to rate yourself from a new perspective: Imagine a member of the opposite sex that is gorgeous, intelligent, decent and interested in things that matter - basically, imagine a '10' on the public-perception-of-overall-attractiveness scale, especially in the looks department. Is the image of this person firmly in your head? Good - now here's the question: How would this person rate you on a scale of 0 to 10 if he or she had four minutes to meet you/get to know you? In other words, how would the best-looking and most attractive person you and your friends and family have ever seen in your lives rate you on an attractiveness scale after a four-minute speed date? Try to use averages here, if necessary, and be brutally honest.

OK, now are those two numbers the same? Wildly different? Did you rate yourself higher than or lower than the imaginary hottest-person-in-the-world did? Again, take the first number and subtract the second. If you gave yourself a '6,' for example, and your imaginary critic gave you '3', or something along those lines, you'd get a +3 for the "Self Perception Differential."





Now it's time to play with the numbers. There are a lot of blanket claims I could make, but I'm going to try to limit them (like the fact that single people are more likely to have negative differentials - or so I would say if I weren't avoiding making too many claims... Besides, I could be proven wrong by some anomalous but vocal reader.)

First, remember your Ex Perception Differential. This is the difference between how you rated your ex-girl/boyfriend and how the public does. Positive numbers mean you thought your ex had good qualities that your Average Joe or Jane wouldn't see. Negative numbers mean the opposite; that your ex was hiding her negative attributes from the public, which only become obvious after some amount of dating... (This is why I'd assume people who are actually single will get negative Ex Perception numbers and people who are just pretending to be single for the sake of the game will get more positive numbers. There is some bias, obviously, when it comes to who you are or are not stuck with.)

Now the "Self Perception Differential." A negative number (rating yourself lower than a super-attractive person would rate you) is probably pretty uncommon. I can't think of anyone who really thinks they are, personally, more attractive on "the outside" than they are "deep down." If you got a negative number on this, I'd be interested to hear your reasoning.

However, a large positive Self Perception Differential - say 2 or greater - should signal one, or both, of the following:

A) You are relatively unattractive physically and/or are extremely shy (and people know it.)

B) You are lying to yourself, at least a little, about your overall attractiveness.

...

These are my claims.

Any arguments?


(This link is relevant this time, by the way)

We'll save the implications for Part Two, after I've had some time to figure 'em out. For those who may be interested, I'm trying to figure out some sort of algorithm that'll determine exactly what kind of person you should "resign yourself" to date. In other words, some of our standards (mine, specifically) may be too high, all things considered, and maybe your standards are too low - I figured it's time to be honest with ourselves, and if we're going to be honest, we might as well include some quantitative sociology and develop some strategies, right?

If anyone can develop any kind of formula based on any sort of numerical ranking (the numbers in this post included or not) that can somehow extract honesty and determine what type [ranking] of person (based on the same scale[s]) someone "should" be dating before I do, they will get a prize. Don't worry, you can be pretty vague and make a lot of assumptions - that's how I do things.

Also, if anyone is curious, my Ex Perception Differential is -3 and my Self Perception Differential is +2. How about you?