Notes to People

Here are some notes I recently wrote to various people that exist:



A note to the guy who's always complaining about being underpaid:

Of course you're underpaid. If you were overpaid, the company would lose money on you, and if somehow you were magically paid exactly what you are worth, they'd break even and then what would be the point? Sure, I get it - you're complaining because you think the company's accounting of your contributions is incorrect, but you fail to realize that your company is a much better accountant than you. I dare you to test the theory that you're underpaid by applying to other companies.

Also, you're whiny and nobody likes you. Actually, that's the real reason you're underpaid.


A note to that hot girl that asked me my opinion on Shapes for Women Gyms:

They supply a preparatory location for women who plan on transferring, once they’re in good [acceptable] shape to the "regular" gym so they can meet men.

Yes, yes, I know - not all women go to the gym to be better looking for the opposite sex… …But most do. So the way Shapes makes consistent money is exactly the same way every gym makes its money: Their customers don’t actually get anywhere with their exercise program. Don't believe me? Well, have you ever met someone that canceled her gym membership because she decided she was finally in perfect shape? Usually people quit the gym because they've decided to be satisfied with their current condition (motivated, of course, by the high cost of gym membership).

So women go to Shapes, buy a membership, go there with lower-than-expected frequency (as they would to a regular gym) and never "graduate" to the preferred level. Unfortunately, this substantially reduces Shapes' women's odds of meeting men at the gym (since there are none) and reduces men's odds of meeting nice, but somewhat self-conscious, women at regular gyms. Totally, totally unfair. To the customers of Shapes Gyms I say just stay home, meet other fatasses on Craigslist, climb the stairs and lift paint cans. It'll be cheaper and it involves far less self-deception.


A note to the guy who says immigrants took his job:

Immigrants can’t actually take your job. If you were first fired and then replaced by an immigrant it means you were over-skilled for the job (judging by the pay requested), and you can get a better job.

If you think I’m wrong about this, and if you think you were not over-skilled, then why are you asking for so much more money in wages than someone else with equal (or greater!) skills as you? You’ll say, “Well, because his (the immigrant’s) standards are lower, he’s happier with being poorer, etc…” And I’d say, well, then, it seems you’re terrible at managing your costs. Is it really fair that because you’re greedier than those immigrants you deserve to be paid more?

Besides, if we somehow prevented all those immigrants from taking your job, we'd still have to worry about all those unskilled high school dropouts. You're screwed, man. Unless, of course, somehow, some way, you learn some sort of marketable skill or something... Though that seems like a lot more work than whining and bitching and masking racism...


A note to misguided movie producers:

We need more 3D movies about dinosaurs. You know why.




If anybody knows any other people that are wrong and need to be corrected via note, just let me know.